More Ramblings

I didn't blog last week or the week before.  I didn't feel like it, I didn't have anything to say, and as I've said several times I'm tired of blogging the fact that I have nothing to blog about.  But apparently that's not going to stop me this week.

I guess I'll start with what I've been up to.  Not that I think anybody cares, but I guess that's what most folks blog about.  It's been a "busy" couple of weeks (if you can call being over-involved in Masonic activities "busy.")  The two Saturdays were taken up with our local York Rite festival.  (That's not as festive as it sounds.  It's when we get a bunch of Master Masons who want to take the so-called "higher" degrees of the York Rite, and confer said degrees on a large class in a short time.)  If you've seen my Facebook page there are pictures there.  I'll post one here too.  I assisted with the Mark Master, conferred the Most Excellent Master and did my usual role in the Royal Arch.  That was about it for me.

Several evenings have also been taken up with Masonic meetings.  On the fifth Monday in July we moved our Charter to the War Veterans Home and held a meeting with three of our Brethren living there.  We've been doing this periodically for several years.  I don't know how much it means to those Brethren, but we get a lot out of it.  At least I do.

I'm wearing a purple tie today.  It's not an LSU or a Council tie.  The label says it's "Butterfly Study II, Collection Fourteen."  The other side says "(c) 1996 Estate of Jerome J. Garcia."  I really don't see the butterflies, I guess it's abstract.  Anyway, Jerry Garcia died 8 years ago today.  (That's 1995 btw.)  I wore the same tie last Friday.  I should have worn it Thursday, but I forgot.  I wore a different purple tie.  That would have been his 71st birthday.  

Anyway, if I can stay employed for another 555 days I'll be retired.  So get off my lawn.

Last Week

I said in my last blog that I'd keep you posted on my quest to change banks.  After I blew off steam here I went by to talk to my "regular" banker.  After determining that it was not he who told me it didn't matter which account, he reversed the service charge, so I'm still with Chase.  For now.  Insurance is still pending.

I also implied that in my opinion Scientology is a cult.  While I find it difficult to take a religion founded by a second rate science fiction writer very seriously, I have always tried to live by the 12th point of the Scout Law, which teaches respect for the beliefs of others in matters of custom and religion. I knew I felt this way as I was writing it but it amused me, and as I've said before if I don't amuse myself I won't amuse anyone.  I don't understand Scientology, but I don't have to.  (Perhaps Ms. Remini could explain it to me.)  I also implied that I consider the Queen of Kings hot.  That I won't retract.  Actually I just wanted to put a picture in my blog, and hers is as good as any, and better than most.

And finally, to get a picture into this blog, and give the other cats a little more spotlight, here's Boober.  My wife got up yesterday and turned around to look at the bed, and took this picture.

Looks comfy, don't he?

Sometimes when I post my blog I make corrections as I see 'em, but I never come back and add stuff.  I'm doin' it now.  I just took a look at my blog stats, and last week's is at 42 page views.  It's at #5 all time.  What's up with that?  What made that a high traffic blog?  (Picture of a cute chick, it just came to me.)  I was gonna ask how I was gettin' links from "The Tao of Bad Ass," but I guess that's why.  Nevermind.

Well, I can retire in 576 days if I don't get outsourced.  So until then, get off my lawn.

Rants

The Universe has decided that this is the week to piss me off.

AT&T is the largest telecommunications company in the universe.  They used to be the only phone company in town and they claimed they tried not to act like it.  I liked it that way.  Back in MY DAY we had one phone company.  That was it.  You wanted to make a long distance call, you got an operator and paid through the nose.  But they built the Public Switched Telephone Network.  

Then WE decided to break 'em up.  What we did was chop the long distance division down to a size that Sprint and MCI could compete with.  And we chopped the rest up into a bunch of "Baby Bells."

Then over the next few decades, like a dismembered monster in a science fiction movie, the pieces found each other, and reassembled, and the Beast Walks Again!  

But before that happened, back when my phone had a wire going to the wall, I had Bellsouth.  And Bellsouth Internet access.  And a Bellsouth email account.  Then, even though the company became AT&T once more, my email was still @bellsouth.net.  (Good for them.)

Then one day something ... peculiar happened.  I checked my email, and it was on a Yahoo! server.  You know, if I WANTED a Yahoo! email account I would have KEPT MINE BACK IN 1995!!!  But I learned to live with it.  After a while they kept trying to "upgrade" my email, but being a geek, I kept finding my way back to the old one.  Then this year I moved.  We had AT&T Uverse Internet in town, but can't get it out in the country.  But I still had my bellsouth account, and for the first time I was glad that AT&T had Yahoo! hosting their email.

Then Monday, I check my email and I get a big message saying "Today is the Day!"  My two choices are "Accept this crap" ... (okay, it was worded a little differently, but that's how I remember it) and "Manage the crap we're gonna send you."  (I think they may have put it more like "advertising selections.")  Yes, to get to my email I have to click a button that says I agree to their targeted marketing plans.  

Chase is the largest banking institution in the country.  I remember when they were Chase Manhattan.  Now they're J. P. Morgan Chase.  I've banked with 'em since they bought Bank One.  I was with Bank One since they bought Premier.  I was with Premier since I started getting a regular paycheck.  If my family hadn't moved to Texas when I was 6 I could probably say since they bought LNB.

I put some money into savings earlier this year.  They upgraded my accounts.  I put a new roof on the house.  My upgraded accounts had minimum balances so, after several discussions I managed to convince them to downgrade my accounts back to what I had.  

There are no "free" checking accounts any more, but I'm sure you've noticed that.  They're so generous with that 0.002% interest they pay us, they need to collect fees to break even I suppose.  My downgraded accounts "waive" the "service" fees if I have direct deposit.  When I downgraded, I asked if it mattered WHICH accounts the deposits went into, and was told it didn't.

Tuesday, I'm checking my balance and see a $12 "service" charge.  Because I didn't have a certain balance and a certain direct deposit into that account.  I have my entire paycheck direct deposited into Chase.  My quick estimate is that amounts to 6 times what they wanted deposited in this account.  So rather than deposit a portion of my check into savings, apparently I should deposit it to checking, then use my phone to transfer it to savings.  Makes perfect sense.

When I went to the bank to complain, the response was "I'm sorry you can't read your bank statements, you moron."  (That may not have been her exact words, but that's what she meant.)  Changing banks is a pain in the neck.  I'll let you know when it's done.

Insurance is a pain in the neck.  Changing insurance is a pain in the neck.  I moved this year.  I have too much crap.  I may have mentioned that.  I want to insure the crap I have in storage.  I contacted one agent, two months ago.  She couldn't find anyone to write a policy for that.  I got tired of waiting and called the agent I have my homeowners with.  I was told that NOBODY will write that.  I called State Farm.  An hour later I had a quote.  I also read my homeowners, and it reads that I'm ALREADY covered by that policy.  As I said changing insurance is a pain in the neck.  I'll let you know when it's done.

I have more to rant about but I'll spare you.  I'm sure you stopped reading 12 paragraphs back anyway.  Oh, but I have found one bright spot in my week:

Hot Chick Leaves Cult

I can retire in 583 days.  Now get off my lawn.

Happy Fifth of July

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed...."

Those words were approved by the Second Continental Congress 86,563 days ago.  Notice (as was recently pointed out to me) the source of rights.  Notice also the function of Government the source of its power.  I think we could all stand to read a little more about where our country came from.  I recommend here http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration.html for starters.  In the immortal words of Forrest Gump "that's all I have to say about that."

According to the website I use to calculate my dates, July 4, 1776 was also a Thursday.  I thought that was interesting.

I decided not to blog last week.  I also decided not to blog about not blogging.  I think I might be better off only blogging when I have something to say.  (Some might say that's the same as not blogging at all.  And they'd probably agree with the sentiment.)  I obviously didn't blog a whole lot this week either.

But I can retire in 590 days, so get off my lawn.

Tuesday

Last Tuesday (the 11th) I visited Ascension Chapter # 49, Royal Arch Masons in Donaldsonville, Louisiana.  I may have mentioned that I'm a Mason.  (I'm pretty sure I haven't yet mentioned that I like to amuse myself by restating the obvious ad nauseum, but I think you've figured that out by now.  But I'm also certain that if I don't amuse myself I won't amuse anyone.)

Anyway, I visit Donaldsonville as often as I can, and they were receiving the Grand High Priest that night.  Since I'm his Deputy in this District, I felt like I should be there.  As usual I carpooled down there with several Companions from Baton Rouge.  This can make for a late night.

After it all was over, returning to my car, I got on the Interstate to come home.  If it had sunk in (I should have known) that there was construction on the Interstate that night I could have found an alternate route.  But it didn't, there was, and I didn't.  I spent some time moving  s l o w l y   down the Interstate.

Past the construction, got moving, and a little after 11 PM I turned North onto the mile and a half of pot hole that leads to my house.  Now I generally operate under the theory that if I go over pot holes fast enough there is less shock to the vehicle.  My wife has tried to convince me otherwise, and I have begun to keep my speed down to 20 or 25.  It was late and dark and I was tired, so I was taking it easy on the last mile and a half.

Around half way (I'll have to check the odometer) I was looking at the road ahead and noticed a light colored lump (it looked sort of like a rag or sock..., but I've seen a rag like that before) on the road ahead to my left.  I slowed down, and the rag (just as I expected) got up and started to walk around in the road.  I came to a stop.  In my headlights was what I estimate to be about 2 ounces of kitten.

Maybe 6 inches long, not counting the tail.  My guess is that the pair of eyes shining at me hadn't been open much more than a day.  It was about 8 minutes after 11 PM, and I was on a country road.  I didn't want to honk my horn.  Stalemate.  Two tons of Lexus, two ounces of feline.

Now I know this kitten's experience with the world is extremely limited at this point but I did not expect it to run TOWARD me.  But it proceeded to disappear under my headlights.  (Kitten says "Check.")

So now it's 11:09 PM and I'm sitting there with a kitten under my car, I know not where.  I am not moving the vehicle with a kitten under it.  So I put on the flashers and get out of the car.  I fish my iPhone out of my pocket and I'm fiddling with the flashlight app, and a kitten runs out from under my car and under my foot.  So now I try to chase the thing out of the road.  It looks at me.  It moves back into my headlights.  I reach down and pick it up, it doesn't much care for that, and lands on its feet.  (It's a cat.)  And it runs back under the car.  Back to the iPhone, kitten runs back out.  I pick it up and carry it off the road and set it down.  I head back to the open driver's door, but there's a kitten in my headlights.

Here I am. 11:10 at night, in the middle of a country road, chasing two ounces of cat around, wearing my bright red Royal Arch blazer and tie, with my jewels dangling from my pocket.  (Okay, you non-Masons quit snickering about my dangling jewels.  Not a good idea around felines anyway.  Google it.)  I picked it up and moved it to the other side of the road.  It followed me back.  I carried it further from the road.  It was back in my headlights before I could shift into drive.

Now, if I brought another cat to this house I would be a single man.  If I brought a cat that hasn't had any shots around our cats I'd be a dead man.  It crossed my mind, but it was not an option.

I had one last trick up my sleeve.  (Well, two but I didn't have to resort to the last one.)  There were a couple of mailboxes to my right.  (I don't know why.  Every mailbox on that road is on the other side.)  They were attached to trees by 2x4s.  I picked the little feller up and placed him on the 2x4, hoping that he wouldn't figure out he could get down until I was past.  I knew it wasn't too high for him, and if he was too scared to jump someone would find him the next day.

This worked, and he meowed at me as I drove past.  If he had jumped down and run in front of me, I would have put him IN the mailbox, knowing someone would find him the next day.  Later that night I realized how hot it would get, and would have gone back with water and cat food, and would have stopped on my way to work.  But I didn't have to.

Two days later, on Thursday night, I had a York Rite meeting.  It was dark as I turned North onto the same road.  Driving slow I kept an eye out for the only two mailboxes on the right.  And there in the road were TWO PAIR of kitten eyes.  Neither one was the kitten from Tuesday.  I blinked my brights at them and, lucky me, they ran off to the side of the road.

Now I can retire in 604 days, so get off my lawn.

Esquire

I have a subscription to Esquire Magazine.  I don't know why.

No, seriously.  I have no idea why, or how, I receive Esquire magazine each month.  I haven't subscribed to a magazine in nearly a decade.

Many years ago, when I was a single man, I did subscribe to a couple of publications.  If I recall correctly they may have featured photographs of pretty girls.  I got married and, by and by, didn't bother to send a check when I received renewal notices, and they stopped appearing in the mail.

Except for one.

One of them (FHM I think) ceased publication.  I got a card in the mail listing several magazines from the same publisher, asking me to send it back so they could finish out my subscription with the one I chose.

I didn't.

Spin magazine began arriving in the mail.  Go figger.  (There may have been another magazine that appeared for a while, I'm not sure now.)  Last year I may have (not sure about this either) received a card telling me that Spin was going out of print.  Or there may have been a note with my first Esquire telling me it was fulfilling my Spin subscription.  Anyway, some time last year Esquire started appearing in the mail.

Earlier this year I moved.  An issue or two of Esquire was forwarded by the post office.  Then I got one with a note attached telling me the forwarding time for magazines was up, and I should notify the publishers of my new address.

I didn't.

The mailing label on the June/July 2013 Esquire has my current address.  Go figger.

As long as they want to keep sending magazines for free, I'm good with it.  My wife, on the other hand, knowing of my pathological inability to dispose of any printed material whatsover, ain't so thrilled.

I don't usually even open, much less read, them.  When I was thinking about writing a blog last week I looked over and saw this magazine sitting there, sealed in the mailing wrapper.  The spine reads "HOW TO BE A MAN."  I thought I might read that article and get inspired with some smartass remarks.  Turns out it's a "theme" to the entire issue.  Who has time for that?

Maybe I will in 611 days.  Until then stay off my lawn.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Last year I (unintentionally) took a 13 week hiatus from writing this blog.  I just realized that corresponds to the summer TV rerun season when I was a kid.  (Do they still have TV?)  I've been thinking I'd be better off taking another extended break than just inflicting whatever drivel happens to get from my brain to the keyboard on those of you who waste your precious time reading it.

But if this posts at 4:45 as planned I will be on my way to St. Francisville, to assist in the Friday night historic presentation at The Day the War Stopped:

http://www.daythewarstopped.net/

One Hundred and Fifty years ago next Wednesday Civility and Brotherly Love triumphed over War as Combatants on both sides set aside their hostilities long enough to pay their respects and honor the last wishes of a fallen Brother.  You can read all the details at the link above.  If you can get to St. Francisville this weekend I think you'll find it worthwhile.

And also at 4:45 I will have 618 days until I can retire.  So get off my lawn.