Last Tuesday (the 11th) I visited Ascension Chapter # 49, Royal Arch Masons in Donaldsonville, Louisiana. I may have mentioned that I'm a Mason. (I'm pretty sure I haven't yet mentioned that I like to amuse myself by restating the obvious ad nauseum, but I think you've figured that out by now. But I'm also certain that if I don't amuse myself I won't amuse anyone.)
Anyway, I visit Donaldsonville as often as I can, and they were receiving the Grand High Priest that night. Since I'm his Deputy in this District, I felt like I should be there. As usual I carpooled down there with several Companions from Baton Rouge. This can make for a late night.
After it all was over, returning to my car, I got on the Interstate to come home. If it had sunk in (I should have known) that there was construction on the Interstate that night I could have found an alternate route. But it didn't, there was, and I didn't. I spent some time moving s l o w l y down the Interstate.
Past the construction, got moving, and a little after 11 PM I turned North onto the mile and a half of pot hole that leads to my house. Now I generally operate under the theory that if I go over pot holes fast enough there is less shock to the vehicle. My wife has tried to convince me otherwise, and I have begun to keep my speed down to 20 or 25. It was late and dark and I was tired, so I was taking it easy on the last mile and a half.
Around half way (I'll have to check the odometer) I was looking at the road ahead and noticed a light colored lump (it looked sort of like a rag or sock..., but I've seen a rag like that before) on the road ahead to my left. I slowed down, and the rag (just as I expected) got up and started to walk around in the road. I came to a stop. In my headlights was what I estimate to be about 2 ounces of kitten.
Maybe 6 inches long, not counting the tail. My guess is that the pair of eyes shining at me hadn't been open much more than a day. It was about 8 minutes after 11 PM, and I was on a country road. I didn't want to honk my horn. Stalemate. Two tons of Lexus, two ounces of feline.
Now I know this kitten's experience with the world is extremely limited at this point but I did not expect it to run TOWARD me. But it proceeded to disappear under my headlights. (Kitten says "Check.")
So now it's 11:09 PM and I'm sitting there with a kitten under my car, I know not where. I am not moving the vehicle with a kitten under it. So I put on the flashers and get out of the car. I fish my iPhone out of my pocket and I'm fiddling with the flashlight app, and a kitten runs out from under my car and under my foot. So now I try to chase the thing out of the road. It looks at me. It moves back into my headlights. I reach down and pick it up, it doesn't much care for that, and lands on its feet. (It's a cat.) And it runs back under the car. Back to the iPhone, kitten runs back out. I pick it up and carry it off the road and set it down. I head back to the open driver's door, but there's a kitten in my headlights.
Here I am. 11:10 at night, in the middle of a country road, chasing two ounces of cat around, wearing my bright red Royal Arch blazer and tie, with my jewels dangling from my pocket. (Okay, you non-Masons quit snickering about my dangling jewels. Not a good idea around felines anyway. Google it.) I picked it up and moved it to the other side of the road. It followed me back. I carried it further from the road. It was back in my headlights before I could shift into drive.
Now, if I brought another cat to this house I would be a single man. If I brought a cat that hasn't had any shots around our cats I'd be a dead man. It crossed my mind, but it was not an option.
I had one last trick up my sleeve. (Well, two but I didn't have to resort to the last one.) There were a couple of mailboxes to my right. (I don't know why. Every mailbox on that road is on the other side.) They were attached to trees by 2x4s. I picked the little feller up and placed him on the 2x4, hoping that he wouldn't figure out he could get down until I was past. I knew it wasn't too high for him, and if he was too scared to jump someone would find him the next day.
This worked, and he meowed at me as I drove past. If he had jumped down and run in front of me, I would have put him IN the mailbox, knowing someone would find him the next day. Later that night I realized how hot it would get, and would have gone back with water and cat food, and would have stopped on my way to work. But I didn't have to.
Two days later, on Thursday night, I had a York Rite meeting. It was dark as I turned North onto the same road. Driving slow I kept an eye out for the only two mailboxes on the right. And there in the road were TWO PAIR of kitten eyes. Neither one was the kitten from Tuesday. I blinked my brights at them and, lucky me, they ran off to the side of the road.
Now I can retire in 604 days, so get off my lawn.
